Problems With Writing a Dissertation

I'm writing a dissertation. It's supposed to be done by now, but I am an epic procrastinator and it's Not (for reference, please note that I am totally writing a blog post about writing the dissertation rather than writing the dissertation). I rationalize this by telling myself that I'm better on a deadline. Which is totally true.

Anyway, the dissertation is... coming along, we'll just say.

Normal morning:
I make smart. 

As you can see (if you've been thorough enough to read the make-believe titles on the make-believe books) that my dissertation is, at least in part, about the Minotaur.

Which, if you're wondering, is awesome.
and I would like a salad. Srsly. Bulls are herbivores, assholes.
I suppose the problem begins there, because the Minotaur part of the project is super fun and easy, but there are a whole lot more words to write around, and in addition to, that one bit.

Which starts making me a little edgy. Because, well... because I have to sound super smart. Because dissertations are formal, and are evaluated by a committee of Very Smart People with Multiple Degrees and Jobs and Stuff (my chair actually used the word syzygy in her comments, which I have never seen anyone use, ever. Badass.) and I can't say 'fuck' or 'King Minos was kind of a dick,' not even once, even though it's true. 

No, it has to look more like this:
Always add latin if you want to sound smart.

Writing a novel, on the other hand, is a remarkably different process. Novels are fun and you can sit in the same position for days while your hair gets weirder and weirder and in your (crazy-haired) head, battles are raging and people are falling in and out of love and discovering stuff like neato hidden swords and prophecies and dead kings are being resurrected and fighting with fallen angels and so on and so forth*.

*Note: this all happens in my book, which will be published someday, Minotaur willing. 

As I said before: it's fun. 

Whereas dissertationLand is more like: 

Phase 1: Out of  words.

Phase 2: MELT. DOWN.

Phase 3: RUN AWAY

And this is why my dissertation isn't finished yet. 

The End.