The Problems With Cooking an 18lb Turkey For Two People Are Numerous

We stayed home for Christmas this year, as the dog is bitey and Special Needs (on 'roids, has issues, likes to nom things like human calves) and so I made an epic EPIC dinner of turkey and stuffing and cranberry and taters and salad (which neither of us ate, but it looked pretty!) and pie (which I bought. I do not understand the baking.) and it was awesome as I've never cooked a turkey before in my life. 

It turned out perfectly. Cpt Awesomepants even took a pretty picture:
HELL TO THE YEAH (sorry vegetarians, I can't help myself. If it makes you feel any better, it was Hutterite born and raised, lived a very happy life, and probably never saw a single hormone injection or the inside of a "free range" cage.

And then we ate as much as we possibly could between the two of us before falling asleep while watching Hogfather (which I love and Cpt Awesomepants puts up with, which seems to work just fine for everyone). 

Problems occurred shortly thereafter. The turkey was 18 pounds. An 18 pound turkey is just slightly too much for two people. 

My fridge: 

I am awash in turkey bits. I think we might have eaten about 4 pounds now? 14 to go.
We will win, turkey, we will win.


  1. Freeze it! Save it for three months from now, when you're bored out of your gourd, and you think "Turkey tetrazinni! That's what I need!"

  2. That is a serious amount of turkey. I salute you...