Saturday

Thoughts About The Rapture, Part 1

I bet you thought that the reason I haven't posted was because I was raptured up, didn't you? That is so sweet.

Monday

I have been inspired by another blogger friend of mine's list of 35 things that she has learned whilst on hiatus from blogging (whiskeytorattles). Since I also have been on hiatus from blogging, which is not at all due to being pregnant and moving houses and starting new jobs like aforementioned friend (and thus totally legit, and frankly deeply impressive) I have not been blogging because I'm lazy. There. Now you know. Here are my 35 things.

1. Rain in May is not friendly nor pretty but cold and mean and angry-like.

2. Beer is fun! And makes the rain more friendly.

3. I cannot make a hard boiled egg.

4. This is important because: it is raining, and I want deviled eggs more than anything else in the entire universe right now. Even a pony. 

5. I have boiled them three times.

6. I am going to boil them again, right now.

7. Apparently, this is something you can f up.

8. Go me!!

9. um. 35 is a long list.

10. I like bananas?

11. I watched Black Swan last night with Cpt Awesomepants and it is still terrifying me. I no longer want to look in mirrors because I am afraid my mirror-self will sprout red eyes and independent hand movements (NOT COOL, MIRROR SELF, NOT COOL) and eventually try to bleed/become Mila Kunis and bleed/attack and try to make me bleed, which is gross and totally uncalled for. This might be why I do not look my best today.

12. Well, really I don't look my best because it is raining angry.

13. And I'm a sick congested mess.

14. Something in my kitchen just *clicked*.

15. I am wearing a hat!

16. I am cold, this is why.

17. And I do not look my best, thus a hat was necessary.

18. It is a nice hat.

19. If the eggs are not done in 9.5 more minutes I will throw them out the effing window.

20. Directly onto the neighbors porch.

21. This will more than make up for the fact that her cats continually puke on our porch, which is really, really special.

22. I think it shows that they care. 


23. Or they hate us and are plotting our eventual deaths and in the meantime see it fit to vomit up orange and chunky where they know we will walk, to say in a very real and gooey way: "I simply loathe you."

24. Cpt Awesomepants also almost threw up too as he regarded said cat vomit.

25. It was spectacularly disgusting. And hysterical.

26. He didn't, though. Moving on.

27. I should be doing homework right now.

28. I have been both sicker and more often sick this year than I have since I was like 12.

29. I just chose 12 randomly, I was probably really healthy then.

30. Whatever.

31. Point is: I think I'm allergic to my house.

32. Or the suburbs.

33. Or cat vomit.

34. Only deviled eggs can save me (#$!#@&), which is why I am doomed.

35. I simply refuse to make #35 into something brilliant. No. I will not do this. FIE!!!

the end.

Sunday

The Hangover.

owwwww

Good times with a Polaroid camera were had by all. 

well, at least me. Cpt pukey pants not so much.